OK NERD, GEEKS, BEARDY WEIRDIES!!! GTE OUT OF YOUR MUM'S BASE MENT, PUT DOWN THE NEW RE-WRITE OF D&D RULES AND READ ON!!!
We all want to be superheros, we all want to save the world, get the girl/boy, live happily ever after, bask in the glory, the fame, roll in the money.
Sadly, we probably won’t have a chemical accident, a spider bite mutation or be born with some strange strand of DNA that gives us super strength, speed etc.
SO WHAT DO WE DO?!?!?!
1. MARIO!!! HELP ME!!!
Ok, Peach got taken by Bowser....Again.....for the what....14th time? How do we save her AND Mario World from his evil??
BAKE!!! Make some Bowser chocolates, make some of those ghosts (Boo!) and Bob-ombs, then....EAT THEM ALL!!!
Diet? What diet? I’M SAVING THE WORLD HERE, DUDE.........Yeah, I condone making bad diet choices if it is to save the WORLD....Don’t you?
2. Mudcake, RAVENLOFT STYLE!!!
So, vampires....They are EVERYWHERE, how do we destroy them all? Well, one theory is to destroy the coven and the master whom resides within. So make a mudcake shaped like Ravenloft (from D&D, check out the expansion it is rather good) and DEVOUR THE WHOLE THING! Make sure to make a master vampire out of chocolate and stash him/her in the middle. Trust me, you won’t regret it. (Me and mudcake, STILL a better love story than TWILIGHT.)
3. Liquorice Venom...
Ok, I HATE liquorice with a vengeance, so why not try this one? Make a venom figure out of liquorice.......It’s not THAT hard, slightly heat it so it is pliable and BAM! Then, NOM ON HIS FACE!!! Teach that symbiote a lesson he will never forget!!! And afterwards, make a Spidey style witty remark, such as : Well Venom, no need to lose your HEAD.
4. Gingerbread Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.
Want to be wolverine? Make some Brotherhood gingerbread people and EAT THEM ALL! ALL OF THE BROTHERHOOD! Maybe not Mystique though, she is pretty darn cute and MAY morph into something else like food poisoning. Yeah, she is THAT evil.
5. ONE RING, TO RULE THEM ALL!! Onion ring that is!!
Ok, so you want more than one, anyone who loves onion rings KNOWS you can’t stop until you have eaten ALL the onion rings.....Knock up a decent sized batch, get some Dr.Pepper and sit back watching “the trilogy” while reciting the message on the ring and staring at your significant other/flatmates/strangers on webcam. Even though really, there is only ONE true trilogy and it AINT Lord of the Rings, sorry fantasy fans. Kevin Smith had it right.
So, there we have it....WAIT!!! HOLD THE PHONE!!!! Do it all while in COSPLAY!!! Just so you really CAN be a hero.
I would prefer Batman....Raspy voice and all.